Tuesday, February 15, 2005

feeling so alive!

i am bursting with ideas, energy, life, and inspirition today!!!!!!

what is it with me??? i feel like spring!!! and yet i feel like i need to contain it, here in my work place, where so many people aresquashed down and negative and subdued. i feel the need to be calmand boring and regualr. but i don't want to be calm and regular andboring!! i want to explode upon the world!! i want to create beautyand help others to see the beauty that is around them, that theyf orget to look at, or may have even forgotten how to look at!

i want to explore and travel and seize every day that i am blessedto be here on this earth! i want to be so alive!!

i want to eat red strawberries and run around barefoot and rememberwhy we are here!! i want to embrace life and all of the happinessand sadness that it brings. i want to laugh and cry and drink itall in. feel the pain of losing and the following trimph that comesafter recovering form the loss. almost as if i am stronger and happier than before! as if the loss really does make me stringerand better than before. the breaking down and the resulting building up brings a strengthening that is both empowering andfreeing!!!

this little preview of spring is a lovely thing! i always feel exhilerated by the coming of spring, as if i mimick the plants. theplants have been resting all winter and are bursting with energy andlife, ready to show us the beauty of thier colors and leaves andflowers. reminding us what we have missed and forgotten all winterlong. i feel this energy too... after the quiet winter. even if it is only a preview, of what is to come in some months...

i want to be in a sunlit studio painting bright colors on canvas, i want to be in a garden planting seeds, i want to be behind a lens capturing images of truth and beauty... soon, soon this time will come...

stay positive.
be great.
be brave.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

wanting to be home

ok its feb 2...waking up at 6 is hard... and i love mornings so i'm always wishing that i could just stay in and make breakfast... then go work out,or maybe in the opposite order... but i get up and shower, dress,eat creal... and out the door by 7 (usually). i am a bit slow in the morning but i don't like to rush, right??

so the streets are all snowy and icy and the sidewalks are slippy(and not to mention full of trash) sooo... i'm waling to the subwayand i slip and crash on my knee... :( anyway, mornings are hard andthe morning commute is not so fun... even with an ipod.

so i am finding that this morning i have a strong desire to make and create and be cozy and drink tea. i want to make spring skirts and cute bags...

can't wait until i am not working and i have more energy to do these endevors... until then i need to try to work on things, slowly...and try to have some energy at the end of the day... sometimes all i can do is come home and crash...

- get dreamweaver and begin website
- draw some ideas for skirts and bags and begin to make them withcheap fabric for practice
- paint: flowers, vases, color,
- classes at make
- buy a bag for work
- make some jewlery
- go see born into brothels again

copy this list into my planner...

i want to be inspired and inspiring and healthy and happy!! i want to have energy to really live!!! soooo glad to be single and free!!!

is it possible to have a relationship that will nurture all my sidesand inspire my independence and creativity?? instead of draining me and taking energy away from projects and ideas and adventures??(not because i get tired or uninspired, but for the reason of giving too much energy to the relationship and then there is nothing left for me and my stuff!!)

expression is good. connecting with myself is good. i want to live acreative, inspired life that will also benefit others besidesmyself... learn how to do that...

more later... i need to get some work done. i am a teacher after all.

one more thing: film idea: compare schools and districts(injustices) through the eyes of students from harlem.