Monday, May 30, 2005

heart questions

love in the meat packing
Originally uploaded by heathero.

so lately i feel like you have to be some sort of genius to be in a relationship... i look at people who are married and my mind just does flips around all the questions that i think of. how did they get there?? it seems that everyone has such issues these days and the self is just so large and protective that people have a hard time letting others in. and for me it seems to be the ones that i don't want anything with that are there, open and calling, while i sit and wait for another to open his heart...

and then there's me, who one minute am so happy and content to be free and single... and in that moment i really believe that i could be this way for the whole of my life. and then something changes and i wish for someone to be with, i somehow feel like i am not living a full experience without someone to share my life with. someone to validate my experiences and offer support and be my dearest friend. i have believed for so long in this idea that you can have a love of your life, and that when you find that person he is ready for you and will do anything to be with you... but these days i am not so sure...

if only it were this simple... if only it were as simple as these three words... i love you, written on the side of a nyc building. i want it to be this simple. i want someone to love me and somehow know that is all that matters, the rest will work itself out... that love is not something that happens when you have all the details worked out and completely understand each other. love is the driving force to understand each other, and that understanding comes in years... there is no destination... there is only the journey, and once begun, the journey would be amazing...

"Love means to love that which is unlovable, or it is no virtue at all; forgiving means to pardon that which is unpardonable, or it is no virtue at all." -G.K.Chesterton


Blogger Indigo said...

What a nice perspective, and thoughtful questions. I don't have the answers..... keep searching.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. :-)

10:40 AM  
Anonymous katie said...

Loved your post. Pretty much agree with you on that one... it is great to be single, sometimes, but then comes a time when you need to be with someone, when you feel the need to share your life and love. But seems to me this kind of relationships never happens to me... *sobs*....

Btw, Michelle sent me ... *winks*

10:46 AM  
Blogger Shaar said...

I've been married 23 years and I haven't the answers either. What I do know for me is this:

1) As wonderful as the two shall be one thing sounds it gets boring and causes problems (we don't like the things we see in ourselves in others). While it's always important to find common ground it's equally as important to remain individual and share our perceptions and experiences through the others eyes.

2) I gave up trying to understand him opting instead to surrender to complete acceptance. Life became less annalytical and more simple thus far more enriching.

10:50 AM  
Blogger phoenix said...

I can give one piece of advice. Don't rush it. When you least expect it, love will hit you so hard, you will swear you have been run over by a bus. Enjoy your freedom. You can't make someone love you as much as we wish we could. But trust me, when it happens you will know... both of you will. Hugssssss

12:05 PM  
Blogger phoenix said...

oh btw - Michele sent me :)

12:10 PM  
Blogger -xtessa- said...

beautifully put!

i've been married for almost three years now, but we've been together for almost ten. it does work out in the end. you slowly adjust to each other, you slowly accept each other's quirks... but it takes work from both of you.

it's nice to have someone in your life, but you have to maintain your identity. that saying "two becomes one" is crap. remember that your personality is what draw him to you in the first place...

here via michele's!

12:21 PM  
Anonymous Daisyhead said...

I can completely relate to you. I met my husband when I was 26. I spent the majority of my 20's watching my friends get married and feeling so bitter about my own lack of love.

Then one day I had my epiphany (a long story) and I realized that I was really truly okay with being single and being with myself. It was like a huge door opened. Not long after I met the man I would marry and have a child with.

Life is truly funny sometimes. I believe it's all about the journey. We have to learn what we are meant to learn before we can get where we are going.

Geesh. When I type all that out, it sounds kinda cheesy doesn't it?

12:22 PM  
Blogger Brandie said...

I think all of us single people have those moments where we think we'll be single forever. My feeling is, it'll happen when it happens. I think there's some innumerable force out there that knows when we're ready for a relationship and sends someone across our path. And yeah, the waiting is hard sometimes, but in the end, I think it's worth it.

12:59 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

I have no asnwers, but someday it will happen. Thanks for the comment you left for me this week. I'll be back to read more of yours.

1:03 PM  
Blogger gardengirl said...

thanks to everyone for your heartfelt repsonses!!

1:05 PM  
Blogger Allie said...

Great post... it had me ponder over it for hours... and to tell you the truth I couldn't find the answers.
I also think that it's great to be single sometimes... but I usually end up feeling very lonely at some point... and wish I had someone who truly and deeply loved me to share my ups and downs. But unfortunately, I haven't found 'true' love just yet... i'm still waiting for my Charming Prince, to come and take my breath away... and live happy ever after... ahhhhh i need a man !!!!! *sobs*

11:04 AM  
Anonymous e said...

I loved this post. After being married for over 11 years, it's surprising to me that I have many of these same thoughts. One moment, I'm content and happy and safe. The next, I remember fondly those single days wihtout responsibilities to others unless I chose them. It's a typical grass is always greener situation. I think the important thing is to find as much happiness as you can in your current situation.

Thanks for visiting me earlier and I'm glad I had a chance to come over here. I'll be back. Oh, and your pictures are BEAUTIFUL!

7:10 PM  
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